Its crazy, I think im addicted to the pain, heartache, & the confusion. You dont want me doing things... but yet you do them & it gets me so mad. I cant tell you cause I know you would flip out about it, all my mind can do is referr to this, sexual thoughts. I say "I need to get all this confusion out my head, I need to stop thinking about this" and all I can think about is just KISS HIM, FORGET ALL ABOUT IT - thats the only way. So I do that.. and whats so bad is that, its actually working.. my minds free of those thoughts & im getting a different feeling..

"I try to sell some weed but smoke everythin except the seeds"

Well I havent posted a blog for a couple days now and right now things are going good and I wont worry for how long... on saturday I went to chelseas party it was mad crazy :) and yeaaa. its 9:39 right now and I sorta feel tired. My school well all grade 11's and yes we dont got grade 12 but whatever ya grade 11's are all going to this other school to learn how life skills and jobs you might wanna do, & deadass im gonna look at photography :) blahhhh I unno what to write so yah im just blabbing on so goodbye.

I hate how you make me cry sometime, I hate how I think negative things, I hate how we fight, I hate what we say when we fight, I hate that sometimes I feel the urge of running away, I hate the feeling that im loosing you, I hate that you make me feel all these things...



I love how you make me feel, I love how I feel so happy to talk to you after school or any time, I love how you make all this pain in my life disapere, I love how you tell me you love me, I love how you send me songs saying "this reminds me of you", I love how you make me smile or giggle at the stupidest things, I love how you try to make things better when their wrong, I love how you run through my mind all the time, I love how the littest things remind me of you, I love you for always saying "I wont judge you"...


Im so lost in this... like I said..
I hate you so much sometimes that I wanna kill you
but ill be the first one to breathe life back into you...

"Ayo nigga.. theres no fingering me, no eating me? just straight fuckin? NIGGA GET ME WET" LMFAO -DIES omggg.

Laughed so much my stomach hurts wow dios mio.

your ex be suckin meeee
tell her lay off my pussy for awhile

id be very thankful.

BOOM how fucked up was that.

thoughts & shit running throught my mind k.
uhm.. I needa fix my blogspot
my first though.

sex so wrong but that shit feels so right.

IM A FUCKIN SCREW UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP :)
And my life is unstabble :)
and im only 16, nervous break down soon much?
LOL, FUCK EVERYONE I DONT NEED NO ONEEE mmkays?
Oh and especially my "family"? dique, everyones on their own bullshit
everyones living their life and noone gives a fuck about me
so how the fuck that workin out?


oh ps.. runaway note comming soon :)
or I might just dip lol.

To be something im not, to do something I cant do in this family... I hear everyone says being a teenager is really easy, but it isnt in my shoes.. it aint. I just wish one day I can say to myself everything will be alright. I remember the day I woke up so happy oh shit that only comes once in a blue moon. Now im studying to not make any more screw up's, everything just has to be "perfect" and I cant live up to the expectation. I feel like im carrying the world on my shoulders, I barley eat now sometimes I fall asleep in class cause my body feels weak like I havent gotten any sleep and I do get the "8 hours of sleep my body claims it needs". Seems like its time for vitamins.. only thing thats been keepin me going is mary jane. Everyones always asking why my eyes seem red like im tired which iam tired. I just cant keep doing this family business shit like I need to do everything for them. Soon from now im running away -__- blah I feel stressed and I dont like people seein me cry. & deadass right now im just starting to say fuck "god" if my abuelita was here shit wouldnt be like how they is now & my life wouldnt be so fucked up LIKE HOW IT FUCKIN IS RIGHT NOW

Im pretty much a bussy hawk lol. Im going to meet my sisters for the 2nd time cause the first time I didnt get to see them, and then on sunday im gonna take photo of lanny pie, neka, & tanaey. some ill photoshoot :)

This feeling is just a sudden rush to me.

I dont like much bitches in my school I only tollerate their dumbasses. Like some bitch in my class thinks shes all it cause of her culture, well ill take that shit & wipe my ass with it. I dont like some other bitch cause she just plane out annoyin as fuck clamim she got shit when she aint got shit and if she did have it, it means shit to me. I pretty much place myself with real bitches, bitches who do shit for themself and need no help with it. Bitches who have business that other bitches know bout but its real shit. I dont deal with that petty lil "im not your friend" business or bitches that you know got crabs crawlin down their legs or bitches thats got a pussy thats like fuckin bucket, chill. YOU CAN DEAL WITH THAT SHIT, but im done with it lol


& I love bitches that think they could deal with a family member of mines, HA BITCH think again use your brain and I mean the one god gave you not the one you be on your knees for ;]

because tomorrow im meeting my sisters which I havent seen maybe 14 years? ;/
& right now my babes doesnt feel good and its scaring me & he dont like hospitals -__-
blahhh I feel like.. im carryin a boulder on my shoulder.


I know I havent posted a "good mood" blog in awhile maybe tomorrow
if all goes well..
& I want a cardigan from american apperal migh run me about 50 dollars but wtf.

Like, I cant be mad at you if your heart aint at the same place like where it is for me so yeah.. whatever happens when december comes just happens.


Is it just be or do guys give you the weirdest feelings ever.. that you get so confused that you just wanna like squash your brain? ;/

I dont know, something is wrong with me..
I think im offically bipolar.


still love me?