Im scared, not for myself but for my cousins life & her daughters. I go there, & her man starts beating on her & pulling out knifes. She takes a knife and stabs it into the table and he goes after her and smacks the knife outta the table while im sitting down right there. The knife flew I could of sworn the knife was gonna hit me. I was sitting there vizualizing not really.. I was in a daze seeing myself getting stabbed in the stomach.. as soon as he came closer to hit her infront of me, I ran through the house, grabbed my shoes and ran. My shoes werent on properlly but I ran for the bus. I dont know how to even put this blog together. The dudes friend was there talking to me, asking me my name, my age, if I live around the area, telling me im pretty & that I got nice hair. God shes telling me its okay to come back but I dont wanna go back. I still picture that knife flying landing close to me & then leaving and hearing glass break. I ran to the bus cause it was at its last top, I got on the bus sat in the front shaking. I had my ipod so it calmed me down abit. Im saying to myself "I dont wanna be in a situation like this". I get home and I break down crying, not crying for myself but crying for my cousin cause one day someone is gonna end up dead in the house, Maybe not him but it could be her or her daughter.


Im still having flash backs of me running through the house & not looking back..
my shoes werent on properlly but I saw the bus and ran before he would try & hit me. If he could smack a knife away infront of me almost hitting me then what the fuck eles could he do?

Im mad sick right now and im not thinking straight at all. So far ive deleted all my fucking songs by mistake thats like over 2000 songs, my dude claimed hes gonna be back in a hour or two and he aint so im thinking on going to my bed. Blah my blogspot needs a update.. maybe I might do that tonight or something. Ahh everything feels fucked I just wanna scream. Oh and I had to download the new itunes 8 and its shit I WANT THE OLD THING BACK fucked up, all that shit just cause I deleted my songs. This house is driving my crazy, mtl is getting old - I WANT OUT. But how this nigga.. is trynna spit game at me when im sick -_- asking if he can make me soup LMFAO. I want to sleep but I dont know if my body will let me. Anyways fuck it im gonna lay down & watch some tv peace.

So my mom went back to puerto rico this morning around 4, & I got a hangover right now. This blog isnt nothing to drastic but yeah. I need to get a job for my school trip its my last school trip before I graduate <3 and me and my girls are syked up bout it. So yeah im thinking on trying the calling center, H&M or maybe UO. Whatever my head is throbbing me right now but I still miss the sweet taste of baileys lmao. Okay whatever goodbye.

A bad day.. ill finish this when I get back from school.

I got different feelings right now. I came home to a empty house & I was really happy, as soon as my mom walked in she started complaining its like thats the only vibe you feel in this house. Before my mom walked in I was so happy like just the weather and shit.. I started bouncing around, loud music, taking pictures of me being happy memories I should say -__-. My mom comes in she complains my mood starts to go down to sad, fustraded, tired of the arguin & then I plug my camera into the computer & put my pictures on & look at them...
I feel happy again.

lmfao best believe this shit is funny as fuck man -dies.

Him: so you like sittin on my lap huh.
Me: yup mad comfy too.
Him: I guess im your personal chair now aint gotta sit nowhere eles.
Me: yup, you righ, you mad soft too while these chairs feel like they made in the 70's
Him: -laughin like no tomorrow.

why is it that everyone wants to see unhappy or like.. whatever ;/
I feel like shit but my babes making me feel better. Ill get back to this blog or whatever -__-
For those who dont wanna see me happy, just slit your throat for all of us please.


Oh & in like 13 more days im getting drunk out of my mind with my best bitch christina for her birthday <3

7:02 AM and I cant deal with it anymore.. my head hurts, my heart feels empty & cold. I try to breathe in hoping that maybe I might regain some sort of feelings but I dont. Noone cares about me so I dont give a fuck about nothing no more, im tired of my mom saying "you should care you cant always be right" thats not the point I just dont care. Im tired of the yelling, im tired of running, im tired of the weed easing my pain, im tired of the alcohol washing away my worst days. Im tired of the person who says he loves me say "I gotta go now" im tired of him making lame excuses saying "they made me stay". Im getting so tired of feeling low like im not his girl or I cant make him happy... only his weed can I have no responsibilities in this relationship.

For girls this mostly happen too, in our generation we do anything to fit in smoke, drink, steal, party, sneak outta the house etc or other teams we call it now "peer presure". Like its crazy.. I have one friend telling me she chills with a girl & the girl is classed as "rich" and just so my friend can fit in she tries to buy everything till she finally admited that "I cant keep up with her!" Obviously.. your at a different stage than her. Now at my school holyyy shiettt GIRLS are smoking cigarettes like its some kindda fashion statement you wouldnt believe. Noone used to smoke it used to be "omgg its so gross ewww" and now ever girl you see shes pumpin nicotine into her body. I dont see why yea you do it to get friends but if you gotta change your apperence, spend money you dont have, kill your body just to be in their "gang/clique/friend" then personally their not your friend. I got friends and like.. Some rich but dont flaunt it THATS ONE REASON WHY IM THEIR FRIEND. My group of friends are different the rich ones dont flaunt it.. their the kind of friends that would shop at the mall & then come on a rooftop, smoke that marijuana, do funny shit & still be the same type of bitches. dkgdkgmlzmgkk BLAH anyways this blog is startin to get all over the place.. like im just saying if your a size 6, dont fit in a size 3 & if you cant fit in the group why be something your not.

Well whats up bloggers!
ive been in school and doing my shit and to be honest ever since ive been back in school, ive been happy. I guess its just a feeling like.. even when im done school I gotta go to PAC which is adult edd and shit cause im getting my highschool diploma no questions about that & yea I know for a fact I gotta go to PAC but then again im sure most kids our generation gotta go to PAC lol. It seems like im so happy in school cause my friends we joke around like fuck -
♥ Jess, Miriam, and Smallz I love all you. Blaah what eles can I say Im just living my life, still hatin a bitch so she knows not to step to me or even say hi or take a glimps at me lol & im still loving my bitches & gettin school done :) Oh and the hubby status -___--- Like.. he got more bad days than a bitch on their period lol. BYEEE

Oh the good ol' days I miss, the innocent years. Like when I go out places and I see little kids it makes me wonder. I remember being little, nothing you did was ever wrong or ever right. Even my house seems different from when I was little everything from walking in being happy from the sunlight shining through my window. I want the old days back from when my mom was being mad spanish & putting me in dresses and making sure my hair was well done. I even remember my brothers younger days with me, waking up mad early on christmas sittin infront of the tree and then shittin on eachother saying santa didnt buy you no presents lmao then to watching wrestling and me running from the undertaker or him trynna power-bomb me on the bed lmao (yeah I was mad small). Back then I always wondered about my dad and sisters and my other brother. Now I guess things changes and we grow up & realize things dont always go your way and things dont always stay the same. I dont care about my father, my sisters and brothers are the world to me, one of my brother's moved out cause he has a son and got responsibilities. I cant stand my moms to much but yea. The most important one is i've grown up into a young lady and real mature before my time. I just miss the good old days when I used to be able to smile and not fake that shit. & now the world just seems to be like.. moving mad fast for me im trynna keep up.